Monday, January 22, 2007

Spirituality and emotions...

...specifically, mine. It has been in the last few years that I have begun to discover how incredibly emotional I am. (All of you saying that you knew that already... keep you comments 'til later) I feel very much like I have been on a rollercoaster of emotions and it is incredible how much of your sprituality seems tied into that. It's not like I'm having a serious crisis of faith or anything, I still fervently believe in God, but somehow things feel "off".
For some of you, this revelation is nothing new (read: Tara), however for myself it has been a little stressful to see all these up and downs. I have pictured myself more "steady" then it appears I am. Nothing like having your own ideas of yourself challenged.
I have begun to study Isaiah. While prophetic literature is rarely "fun", in that there is a great deal of judgment therein, I am looking forward to chewing on some of it. I am trying very hard to think through some things and look ahead, to the future. Recently, I have found that life when it becomes overwhelming (as it is likely to try and do...), it begins to take away our hope, our dreams and our passion for things. Sometimes it seems like everything is kinda stale.
Parts of life sometimes feel that way. Intellectually I am thankful for so many things. I am so thankful for my wife. If I haven't told you lately how awesome she is, I'm sorry- SHE'S AWESOME! My kids are a major blessing to me too. So many other things too, but those are on my mind now.
I once heard someone suggest that perhaps these "dull and dark" times are to help us appreciate the clear and bright times, if that's the case, let's get on the bright shall we? It is astonishing to me how up and down life can be.
All I know for certain is this, that without my faith, without my God, without the blessings he has placed in my life, things would be infinitely harder.
Pursuing God despite of it all seems to be the order of the day. I am becoming more convinced that God is more concerned about where we are in relationship with him then he is about our personal comfort. So I seek Him as best I can. Often this is hard. Often this is against my "better" judgment. I still hear Him calling me to himself. Not just as a pastor, but as a disciple. The verse that comes to mind is this

Matthew 6:33 (NIV)
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
But, then again, that's just me.

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