Saturday, May 24, 2008
"Let's not imagine that we are hollow inside."
I read that in one of my books this week and copied it down. I'll leave where I found it out... as I'm sure to post more from this book soon. It's from the foreword of a classic I'm reading.
My camera is still away, totally unknown as to when it will return. I'm in a little bit of a weird space these days. I have had mixed feelings about my "performance" the last few weeks.
I have been very pleased with a few things and then there have been a few moments that stand in out in my mind as me totally making a mess of it. I have been trying to focus more on my devotional life - examining what I do, and why... seeing what's going on there. Trying to find meaning in things that I do and not doing them out of repetition or a sense of duty.
How have I done? Well, at first glance I'd say not as well as I'd like; but then, I have been truly struck with the love of God for me lately. My thankfulness has increased. And despite all the stuff that's been bouncing around my head and my life- when does life ever slow down? - I feel some peace. That peace comes only from God.
You know I used to kind of balk at people who would be a little "touchy feely" about God and about people sensing his presence and feeling his love and that kind of stuff, mostly because I tried at times to find that genuine emotional response in my own devotional life and it seemed that contrived emotions could be there, but sometimes it felt like a genuine continual sense of God's peace was hard to come by. Over time though I have sensed God move closer and closer to me. So, all that to say, you can balk at me saying "I feel at peace" all you want... I understand, I have been there.
Genuine. The picture of the word genuine is actually a picture of one of my sweatshirts. For my old Bible school friends, you may recognize it as old Youth Conference SWAG. I have always really liked the sweatshirt because it reminds me that I have to be real. Real with myself, real with my family and friends, and real with my God.
I think it's important to be genuine, to not fake it, to not sugar coat things, in my experience most people have a pretty good sense when you're being fake. In fact, I think usually I'd be the last person to know that everyone else knows I'm being fake (did that make sense?).
I mentioned my camera at the beginning of this post... you might wonder why... if you didn't... I'll tell you anyways. One of the things that I like about photography is that it makes me look at the world in a different way. It makes "see" things. The photographers that I really love, especially the ones who do event photography (weddings, graduations, whatever) is that they see moments that slip by most other people. They see a girl blowing bubbles in a crowd of graduates. Or maybe they see a portion of a person or animal that normally isn't seen and draw attention to it, an expression, or posture, of even the tranquillity of a certain space.
Photography is an attempt to capture the world, to slow it down, to see. You can fake beauty sometimes, you can fake a lot of things, but you can't fake a genuine moment. A moment where truth is revealed. Love, anger, fear, joy, sadness, desperation there are moments where those shine through.
A mentor of mine used to always say "time and truth go hand and hand". Meaning if you give it enough time, the truth will always come out. In my life I have seen that. Sometimes it takes a long time for the truth to come out, and even if you don't see it, God does. So in my way of thinking, being genuine is what I aim to do, I suppose I'll let others decide how well I'm doing at that... I can't tell - all I know is, I'm trying.